From Positions to Needs: Preparing for Better Difficult Conversations (Part 2 of 3)
- Russ Powell
- Oct 14
- 10 min read
The leadership meeting at VelociCore has been going for twenty minutes. Revenue is up 40% quarter-over-quarter, but customer churn is creeping higher.
Sarah, Head of Sales, leans forward. “We need to release these integrations faster. Three prospects walked away last month because we couldn't deliver what they needed. Our competitors are moving faster.”
Maya, Head of Engineering, shakes her head. “If we keep shipping at this pace, our technical debt will collapse the platform. We're already seeing more bugs in production. We need to slow down and build it right.”
Both women turn to David, the CEO, waiting for him to pick a side.
David feels the familiar tightness in his chest. Six months into the CEO role, and this keeps happening—smart people he respects, locked in what feels like an unsolvable standoff.
“Let's... let's table this for now,” David says. “Sarah, Maya—can we regroup tomorrow and work through the specifics?”
The meeting ends with that hollow feeling everyone recognizes: nothing resolved, just delayed.
This is Part Two of a three-part series on managing workplace conflict. Part One covered recognizing the early signals of conflict. Part Three will focus on navigating conflict conversations in the moment.
The Trap of Fighting Positions
In Part One, we explored how to recognize when disagreement tips into conflict—those moments when heat enters the room and suddenly it's no longer about ideas but about people and respect.
But recognizing conflict is only the first step. The question that keeps leaders up at night is: What do you do once you've spotted it?
The answer starts with preparation. And the most important preparation is learning to see beneath the surface.
Sarah and Maya aren't really fighting about release speed. They're fighting positions—surface-level demands that feel like solutions but actually keep everyone stuck.
Sarah's position: “Ship features faster.”
Maya's position: “Slow down releases.”
When people argue positions, three things tend to happen:
Time gets wasted in circular arguments. Each side repeats their demand more forcefully, hoping volume will create agreement.
Trust begins to fray. People start questioning each other's judgment and commitment to the business.
The real problem stays hidden. Everyone fights the symptom instead of addressing what's actually driving the conflict.
Remember Priya and Marcus from Part One? They spent three months trapped in position-fighting—Priya insisting the timeline was impossible, Marcus insisting they needed to find efficiencies. Neither could hear what the other was actually trying to protect.
The way out? Stop fighting positions and start exploring needs.
Three Layers: Positions, Interests, and Needs
That evening, David stayed late. He'd reached out to an executive coach after the last blowup between Sarah and Maya, and tonight they had a session scheduled.
“Walk me through what happened,” Elena said.
David explained the meeting. The impasse. His sense of being caught between two people he trusted.
“Okay,” Elena said. “What did Sarah want?”
“To ship faster.”
“Right. That's her position—what she's saying she wants. But why?”
David thought. “Well, she's worried about losing customers... about looking slow compared to competitors.”
“Good. That's her interest—the underlying concern driving her position. Now go deeper. What is Sarah trying to protect?”
David paused. This felt different. “Her... her ability to do her job? Like, if we can't close deals because we're too slow, she can't deliver for the company. And maybe...” He trailed off.
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe her security. If we lose too many deals, the board starts asking questions about whether we have the right sales leader.”
“And Maya?”
“Maya wants to slow down.”
“That's her position. What's the interest?”
“Maintaining product quality. System stability.”
“And beneath that?”
David saw it now. “Her professional reputation. Her sense of competence. She's built her whole career on building reliable systems. If we ship garbage and it breaks, that reflects on her.”
“There you go,” Elena said. “Now you're looking at needs.”
William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes, taught us to distinguish positions from interests—the underlying concerns driving what people say they want. Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) framework centers on universal human needs—the fundamental drivers of all behavior. Drawing on both frameworks, we can see conflict as three layers: positions (what people say), interests (why they want it), and needs (what they're protecting at the deepest level).
Think of it as three layers:
Positions: What people say they want (“Ship faster” / “Slow down”)
Interests: Why they want it (“Retain customers” / “Maintain quality”)
Needs: What they're really protecting (“Security” / “Competence”)
Let's map the VelociCore conflict:
Sarah:
Position: “Ship features faster”
Interest: “Retain customers and stay competitive”
Need: Security—protecting her ability to deliver for clients and the company's future
Maya:
Position: “Slow down releases”
Interest: “Maintain product quality and system stability”
Need: Competence—protecting her professional reputation and ability to build reliable systems
This is simplified—both Sarah and Maya likely have multiple needs at play. Sarah might also be protecting her sense of belonging on the leadership team. Maya might need autonomy—the freedom to make technical decisions without being overruled by business pressure. But identifying even one core need for each person creates a starting point that pure position-fighting never could.
See the shift? When you move from positions to needs, suddenly both sides are aligned around protecting what matters to them and the business. The real question becomes: How do we meet those needs together?
The Needs Detective Framework
“So what do I do with this?” David asked Elena.
“Before you talk to them again, map it out. Get clear on what you think is happening beneath the positions.”
Elena shared her screen, showing a simple 2x2 grid:
“This is diagnostic work,” Elena explained. “Start with their positions, then hypothesize about their needs. You're building a testable theory about what's driving the conflict.”
“What if I'm wrong?”
“You probably will be, at least partially. But that's fine. The grid isn't about being right—it's about training yourself to look deeper. And when you actually talk to Sarah and Maya, you'll test your assumptions.”
How to use the grid:
Before the conversation: Spend just five minutes mapping what you think is happening beneath the positions.
During the conversation: Listen for cues about needs. Ask questions that help you understand what they're protecting.
After initial discovery: Redraw the grid with what you actually learned.
The goal isn't perfection—it's training your brain to look deeper than surface demands.
Here's what David's first attempt looked like:
It felt almost too simple. But as David stared at the grid, something shifted. He could see how Sarah's pushiness wasn't about not caring about quality—she was scared. And Maya's resistance wasn't about being difficult—she was protecting something she'd built her career on.
For the first time in weeks, the conflict didn't feel personal.
The Needs that Drive Workplace Conflicts
“Is there a pattern to this?” David asked. “Like, are there certain needs that come up more often?”
“Absolutely,” Elena said. “In my work with leaders, I've found that workplace conflicts typically involve ten core needs. These build on Rosenberg's foundational work but are tailored to organizational contexts.”
She pulled up a framework:
Top 10 Needs in Workplace Conflicts
Clarity – Understanding expectations, decisions, priorities
Respect – Being valued, heard, treated with dignity
Safety – Physical and psychological security, predictability
Autonomy – Choice in approach, agency over decisions
Belonging – Inclusion, connection, being part of the team
Competence – Confidence in abilities, having necessary resources
Recognition – Acknowledgment of contributions and effort
Rest/Restoration – Recovery time, sustainable pace
Growth – Development, learning, meaningful challenge
Sense of Purpose – Work that aligns with values, makes a difference
[For a deeper dive into how these needs show up in workplace conflicts, see the Core Human Needs at Work framework in the resources section below.]
“When someone pushes hard for their position,” Elena said, “they're usually protecting one or more of these needs. Your job as a leader isn't to agree with their position—it's to understand what they're really trying to protect.”
David looked at his grid again. Sarah: security. Maya: competence. Both were on the list.
“What about me?” David asked. “What am I protecting?”
“Good question. What do you need in this situation?”
David thought. “I need... clarity about how to move forward. And I need both of them to trust my leadership. I need to feel competent too, I guess. Like I can actually handle this.”
“So: clarity, respect, and competence. Write those down.”
Why “Needs” Feel Slippery at First
Over the next few days, David tried practicing this with smaller conflicts. Each time, he'd ask himself: What's the need beneath this?
It was harder than it looked.
This is the tricky part: we're trained to talk about solutions (positions) and, if we're sophisticated, problems (interests). But needs live deeper, in more vulnerable territory.
A need sounds like:
“I need clarity about roles so we can move forward effectively.”
“I need respect for my expertise in these decisions.”
“I need security that this won't jeopardize the team's future.”
Not:
“I need him to do what I'm asking.”
“I need this project to succeed.”
“I need more resources.”
The difference matters. Positions create winners and losers. Needs create possibilities for solutions that work for everyone.
The language of needs feels awkward because it requires naming what we're protecting. And that feels vulnerable. But with practice, identifying needs—your own and others'—becomes easier. Most people won't name their needs directly. You'll have to infer from what they say and how they say it.
The Language That Opens Doors
Before his next session, Elena sent David a list of questions to help him explore needs in conversations:
Questions that explore needs:
“When you say [their position], what matters most to you about that?”
“Help me understand what you're trying to protect here.”
“What would need to happen for you to feel good about this decision?”
“When this doesn't go well, what concerns you most?”
“And when you reflect back what you're hearing,” Elena had written, “avoid asking 'Did I get that right?' That presumes you nailed it, which is rare. Instead try: 'Here's what I heard... what did I miss?' That one question communicates humility, curiosity, and an intent to understand.”
Preparing for Difficult Conversations
Elena's final assignment was simple: before his conversation with Maya, do a two-minute needs check. This kind of preparation works whether a conversation stays collaborative or tips into conflict—understanding needs creates better outcomes either way.
The Two-Minute Needs Check
What do I actually need here? (Not what I want them to do—what basic human need is at play for me?)
What might they need? (Look beyond their position to what they're trying to protect)
How will I stay curious about their needs during our conversation?
“Write it down,” Elena had said. “Don't just think it. Writing creates clarity.”
That night, David sat at his kitchen table with his laptop open. He pulled up the 2x2 grid and started filling it in:
Then he worked through the pre-conflict check:
What do I need?
Clarity about how to balance speed and quality
Respect from my leadership team
Senss of competence—to feel like I can actually lead through this
What might Maya need?
Sense of competence—confidence that the systems she builds won't fail
Respect—for her technical judgment and years of experience
Maybe autonomy—to make the right technical calls without being overruled by business pressure
How will I stay curious?
• Listen for what she's protecting, not just what she's saying
• Ask “what matters most?” instead of defending my position
• Notice when I want to jump to solutions and slow down instead
David stared at what he'd written. It wasn't complicated. But it felt different from how he'd been approaching these conversations—reactive, defensive, trying to find the “right answer” that would make everyone happy.
This felt more like... debugging a system. Understanding the inputs before trying to fix the outputs.
What Preparation Makes Possible
Understanding needs changes everything about how you enter conflict. But preparation alone won't carry you through the heat of the moment.
David had spent time mapping the conflict—positions, interests, needs. He understood what Sarah and Maya were each protecting. He'd even identified his own needs: clarity about priorities, and the respect of his leadership team.
But understanding needs and navigating a heated conversation were two different skills.
He looked at his calendar. Maya. 2:00pm. Thirty minutes.
His hand hovered over the meeting room door. He thought about his last coaching call with Elena. The questions she'd taught him. The advice about separating the problem from the person, about making his thinking visible, about staying genuinely curious even when he felt the urge to defend.
Time to find out if any of this actually worked.
Additional Resources on Needs-Based Conflict Resolution
Key Research and Thought Leaders
William Ury, Roger Fisher & Bruce Patton — Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (foundational work on positions vs. interests in negotiation)
Marshall Rosenberg — Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (comprehensive framework for understanding human needs in communication and conflict)
Chris Argyris & Donald Schön — Theory in Practice: Increasing Professional Effectiveness (organizational learning and the gap between what we think and what we say)
Edward Deci & Richard Ryan — Self-Determination Theory (research on autonomy, competence, and relatedness as core human needs)
Recommended Framework
Core Human Needs at Work: A Framework for Leaders — A simple, useful, evidence-based framework identifying six categories of core human needs in the workplace. Learn to recognize when conflict signals unmet needs like security, connection, recognition, growth, or balance.
Coming up: Part Three will show you exactly what happens when David walks into that conversation with Maya—the moves that work, the fumbles he makes, and how preparation transforms into practice when the pressure is on.
Solve the Right Problems, Faster
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